Joy in the Ministry of Care

Hear this inspiring journey as sit down with Chris Warner, a new parishioner at Holy Family, who shares her story of her ministry of caregiving. Chris talks about her upbringing in Tecumseh to becoming an indispensable member of her community, providing care and comfort to those in need, nursing homes and to her husband before his passing. She discusses the beginnings of her caregiving journey, her long-lasting dedication to ministry, and the profound impact prayer has had on her life. The episode is filled with stories of resilience, faith, and the joy that comes from helping others. Join us as we dive into Chris's life of faith here at Open Seat!

This is a podcast of Holy Family Parish, located in Adrian MI. We are a Catholic people, not a place, striving to Live Jesus through celebrating the sacraments and forming disciples in Adrian and beyond.

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Open Seat es un podcast Parroquia de la Sagrada Familia ubicada en Adrian, Michigan. Somos un pueblo católico, no un lugar, que se esfuerza por vivir a Jesús celebrando los sacramentos y formando discípulos en Adrian y más allá.

Transcript

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I don't look at myself as anything extraordinary. I'm an ordinary person doing what gives me joy and going to the nursing homes. gives me joy. Welcome to Open Seat, the podcast where we create a space for authentic conversations about faith, unfiltered and unapologetic. Here, we believe that every story matters. Whether you're questioning, seeking or steadfast in your beliefs, you'll find something relatable in these heartfelt discussions. So grab your seat, get comfortable, and let's dive into today's story here at. Open seat. So today on the podcast we have Chris Warner. Chris, we don't, I'm not sure many people know who you are.'cause you're relatively new parishioner. I've, I've only been at Holy Family not a year yet. I moved to Adrian two years ago, but, I didn't join Holy Family till, after Easter last year. My husband was very ill. we had a lot of steps and stairs in our home, and, so we downsized. I bought a condo. one level, walk-in, shower, you know, all the handicap things. and what about joining Holy Family? I was born and raised in a Tecumseh so I went to St. Elizabeth all my life, all my sacraments. I was baptized in the Stone Church, oh, oh, downtown. But, I I moved here and I still wanted to go. That was my family. And so I kept going even though it was a long distance, but if you wanted to go more than once a week, which I liked to do, it was a lot of mileage. So after Easter I said, God put me here in Adrian. I'm gonna go to Holy Family. But really what put me over the edge was the mission. last year. Father Joe. did the mission. And, it just, inspired me to come here. We have the other Newman brother, so, yes, I know, father Joe. I love him both. They're both They're They're precious. Yes. Yes I'm sure their mother feels the same way, so that's good news. And I'm a mother, so Yeah. so since we don't know that much about you, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? I was born and raised in Tecumseh. Mm-hmm. my parents were married in the Stone Church. okay. my older sister and I were baptized there. there were six of us. I'm the second of six. we didn't have a lot of money, but we never went hungry. and we were surrounded by love. Oh. my parents, sent us to St. Elizabeth School, which was a hardship for them to, get that amount of money to do that, but they did it. And I think that's what gave us our, real base for our faith. I think, everybody is born with a purpose and, A gift or a talent and I, learned at a young age what my talent was. well, the nuns didn't agree. they, they told me to stop talking all the time. I have the gift of gab. and I'm a caregiver. at the age of 12, my older sister had a grand mal seizure, scared us to death. we had never seen anything like that. All my younger siblings and I And my mother rushed to the neighbor, got him to get his car to take her to the hospital. And because I was going to St. Elizabeth, I was instilled with the idea of prayer first thing. And so I had all four of my younger siblings on the floor, on their knees saying the rosary the entire time she was gone to the hospital. and after that. I was her constant sidekick. I wasn't gonna let anything happen to her. I think that was the start of my, caregiving, career. The start of your ministry, right. Of my ministry, yes. Yeah. So did you do caregiving for, for a career? Yeah. No. I did work at Harry Hospital, but I was in the office doing paperwork. I worked for several doctors. Over the years doing paperwork billings. but I had a lot of I, I, absorbed a lot of knowledge from each one of those, knowledge that really gave me some skills, for, caregiving. And then I nurtured them myself. I had a lot of family members that had, cancer. And different really debilitating diseases and I seem to be the one they always called, mainly'cause I was there. and I, I didn't mind helping. It was something I was drawn to do, so. Well that's great that you actually use your, your gifts and talents that God gave you. in a ministry and probably the gift of gab, so to speak, goes Well with caregiving. Because a lot of it is just being present. Yeah. With someone. I think most of my ministries, because I'm in several, started in my thirties, I became a Eucharistic minister because my parents were, I became a lector, because I had the gift of gab and I felt lector wasn't just reading the readings, it was. Proclaiming them. Maybe I should have been an actress because I like putting more personality or more emphasis on the important parts. before I get up to do my, read reading. I always say a prayer, that the Lord will open the minds of the people hear what they need to hear out of this reading. Because a reading can mean one thing to you and another thing to someone else. But if it's proclaimed correctly, it will touch your soul and that's my goal. that's absolutely beautiful. to hear that you pray before you go up and do your ministry, I think it's an ideal thing and it helps ease some of that, right? Yes. Do you ever get nervous before you go up? When I first came to Holy Family, I did yes. I go to, eight o'clock Mass at St. Joe's because I go to the nursing homes right after. But, I go to St. Mary's during the week too, so, I go to both. I just, I'm really starting to feel at home and I haven't even been here a year yet, at Holy Family. well, if you've attended the parish picnic Yes. if you've attended the mission and Oh, the, one of the Christmas and Easter services. I think that makes you a parishioner. Actually, I was at three of the Christmas services. There we go. I was lector for three of them. They were having a hard time getting lectors I, know, Chris always says yes. So you need a yes man. Call Chris. I shouldn't have said that. Oh, Maybe you should bleep that. getting oh, no, we're always looking for those people who say yes. There's always ministries for them. That's me, But I think that's beautiful because that's truly what we're called to do, right? Is to be, Yes. the yes in the world, right? it starts with Mary and her Yes. And continues with ours. And so to be open to whatever God calls us to do. who else have you been a caregiver for and how has that affected your faith? Mostly family members over the years. but nursing homes, I've been done nursing homes for 30 some odd years and, you really get in touch with those people and get close to 'em. I don't just take them the sacraments and say a couple prayers and leave. I read Chicken soup for the soul. Oh, yeah. To them. it brings up topics to talk about. Mm-hmm. I read, reminisce the magazine. Because it's old things. they like that. we sing. always Amazing grace. they all know it. They, they don't have to memorize it. They know it. I like making them feel like their life is in, somewhat of their control or that someone thinks about them. As we get older, in the, Salesian weekly this week, Father Joe I think it was, had an article about, come follow me, come depend on me. and, you know, at your end of your life or when you're at that stage that you have to go in a nursing home. You have to depend on everyone around you. Mm-hmm. And, I like giving him a feeling of not just, being there and letting everyone feed them Change them and whatever. I like to get them active. So I've, I've done as much as, had ladies in the church bake cookies and take them at Christmas time and have them frost their own cookies. Oh, you wanna know Really thick frosting but they loved it. I started a red Hat Club when my mother-in-law was in the nursing home. she was the secretary and I had the families buy'em, the hat, and then we decorated them and then I had red Hatters come in and entertain them. uhhuh, And I always thought Red Hatters was the most useless organization around because all they do is have fun which I guess is okay, but to me, I need a purpose. And so I gave them a purpose by having them come and, entertain the ladies at the nursing home. they absolutely loved that. that. oh, I've done crazy things with 'em and, and, I think it. gives 'em more of a self worth and I, I think you said it best at a time where you don't have much control, Yeah. For me, my dream is someone to just make me dinner three meals a day, clean my room, I'm there, I'm ready. But, I'm also not gonna have to face that hopefully anytime soon. So at a time when that is your life, everyone doing everything for you. And I think with a lot of. Women especially because we're ministering to people all the time. Yes. And so to have the rug pulled out from underneath you is tough. So what has been your greatest lesson you have learned? prayer really works. I was very active in the Tecumseh Service Club, which is like your St. Vincent DePaul. and, I actually started the, habit of breaking down the kids into a shirt, pants, socks, underwear, three toys, pajamas, on ornaments at the church. So we took care of more children that way. so I had three ladies that would help me sort them, it never failed. There were, Some things that didn't come back or wrong sizes, whatever. So we would make a list and we would go purchase them. Well, it was three or four years after we started that we decided we would take turns purchasing whatever was needed that year because it was never really a very long list. And, so this one year came along, I don't remember which one it was, but, my turn. I had absolutely no money. I said, Chris, you said you do this, you will, God will help you. Just use your credit card. So that's what I said. So in the morning I said a prayer. Mm-hmm. I says, Lord, please make the list small so I can handle this. And We get there and we're sorting and the list is growing and growing. so I'm praying and praying and it just keeps growing. So I quit praying. I must have been praying for the wrong thing. So, I let it go, you know, and we got done and the list was so long we tore it in half and one girl took one half and I took another in a cart we went to Pamida and Tecumseh back when they were open. And we filled both carts. That's how much we had, and we're getting in line and there's this one lady behind me that has one item and I let her go in front of me. I says, well, both these carts are mine, so you might as well go in front of me. So she does. And she was very happy. And we get up there and they cashed out everything and a bell rang. We were the 50th customer and We got our entire purchase free. It still gives me goosebumps. It gives me goosebumps. I mean, talk about instantly. Yeah. Answered prayers. Yeah. I guess that really helped me to believe in prayer. Were you like, hold on, I gotta go get one more cart We both stood there screaming and because I had told her and, and she offered to pay for it, and I said no. I said I would, I I will do it and the Lord will help me to, pay for it. And, the bad part was we had to have our picture taken with all the items and it hung on there wall for two weeks. And I hate my picture taken, but, well, newsflash, your picture's going out far and wide. Yeah, I know. Oh, dear. don't make me more nervous, but yeah, so prayer. I, I really believe in prayer. I believe you're in the spot you're in at every moment of every day, right where you're supposed to be. either you, will influence somebody else. Or they will influence you but something's happening all the time. you talked about your, family growing up, but do you have children and, you had a husband, you wanna tell us a little bit about them? I buried my childhood sweetheart. we were married 55 years. He passed a year and a half ago. we had three children, Mike, Sheila, and Maryanne. I hope they don't mind me telling their names. Those are some good Catholic names too. And, very proud of all three. they've been very, successful, very, good Christian people, so I'm very proud of them. I have 11 grandchildren and I have five great-grandchildren. So you got married at like age seven, right? Yeah, we're not gonna guess your age, but it can't be very high, higher higher than you think I try to keep moving So I'm not getting old, but, I don't think that's working. they, they're making me old. when your, when your grandchildren are, 35 years old, it kind of makes you, you know. Yeah. That would be, that would be fun. So how do you balance family and ministry? Because you're, you're pretty active in ministries. I always have, my, children were brought up, when I did the Giving Tree, one of their gifts at Christmas was always an ornament. they gave that gift to a child. they didn't have a choice. on going to church on Sunday. it was, get outta that bed. You're going to church. And I didn't have to say it because they knew it. and, they know that I am unavailable on Sundays until afternoon. Because I'm at church or in the nursing home. they just know that it's been so many years. that they just know that's where I'm at. So if they plan a family, get together. And it's on Sunday. It has to be afternoon if they want mom there. and, they don't seem to have a problem with, it. I think they're proud of, what I've done actually. say no one notices or, it's nothing. and that's okay because we do it not to be noticed. But I think my greatest, I don't know what to call it, my oldest granddaughter was in high School Mm-hmm. and she had to write a paper on someone she admired. and she wrote it on me and told all the ministries I was in, which quite a few 'cause you know, it's me, and I didn't even realize she knew I did half of these things. it it still brings, if I get it out and read it, it still brings tears to my eyes. I, I save it in my Bible. but, yeah. So people do notice. Your kids do notice. You don't really have to preach to 'em. You're going to church, you're going to catechism, whatever, because they see you do it and they do it. Does she go to Catholic school and she was writing about that? Or was, is it No, it was public school Public Teceumseh public school. Wow. Amazing. Huh? Amazing. Yeah. to be so outspoken about your faith and someone else's faith in public schools, it's incredible. I think it's probably, maybe the word would be greatest accomplishment. I think that was, yeah. I don't look at myself as anything extraordinary. I'm an ordinary person doing what gives me joy and going to the nursing homes. gives me joy. Because I am helping them to feel better about themselves, about knowing that God's with them, that he's always with them. It just, gives me joy. is there a a struggle at times'cause of the nursing home, I imagine there's some turnover. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of turnover. I've been to a lot of funerals. I've planned a lot of funerals. Funerals. People do not want to talk to their loved one about their impending death. so I've sat down and wrote the dress they wanna wear. The music, they want, the readings they would like, any wishes that they want. I write it down And then I put it in an envelope with their name. And in the event of my death on it. And I put it in their side table and it's there for the family. I pray every time I do that, that, they'll read it and do it, but who knows? I've heard many people say, oh yeah, it would be fun to go visit, you know, or it'd be fun to do that, but. I'm scared. if you could give one piece of advice to someone who is gonna help with nursing home ministry, what do you think that advice would be? Fear sometimes is a good thing. but I think of it as when I get to that age and or if I am debilitated and can't take care of myself, what would I want someone else to do for me? And my first answer was, bring me the Eucharist. I've received the Eucharist since I was little without fail. And I can't imagine being in a place where, I wouldn't have that. so to me. I'm doing what I would want them to do for me. Are you also running, like a little service or do Oh, I do a complete service. I do the Confiteor Uhhuh. I read the readings. I do it a little different than at church because their attention span isn't as well. So I read one reading, we talk about it, how it affects them, how it, plays a part in their life as it is right now. if it's too much out of their realm, I don't read it. I skip it. and read the others. do you give shorter homilies than the priests on Sunday?'cause I'm thinking I, might come to your service. I, mean, are we over 10 minutes? What's the over under Oh, no. 15, It is longer. like I said, I, have the gift of gab and I draw them into it. I put them, I ask them questions about it, and I draw them into It, And, I think that act, you know It, and forth is good. It helps them, to connect. we say they Our father. I give them communion. and then we sing songs. Always Amazing grace. we've been singing, here I Am Lord lately. And, yes, Jesus loves me. Oh, love those songs. So, and, and we change it up all the time, but I print 'em off on my computer in big letters, so they can read 'em, Uhhuh. so they have the words and, they love it. They love the singing. and then we talk about whatever, you know, Valentine's Day, their sweethearts, who was their first sweetheart, things like that. And they like that because it's something they can talk about. they see four walls all day long they have nothing to talk about. so, my biggest advice to other people is to visit your people in the nursing home and not during the week when you have the excuse that, I have to go home, mom, because I gotta go to work tomorrow. go on the weekends and visit with them, share your life with them because they have nothing. And that's, that's very scary. my husband He had Alzheimer's, dementia, colon cancer and lung cancer. So the last 13 years have been pretty rough. he, went to the va and, back when, I'd say, 10 years ago probably, people at St. Elizabeth, whenever they, not so much, 25 years they were married, but 50, they would renew their vows. And, so they were renewing their vows, quite a few of them, several weeks in a row. And so I said to him, on the way home, one day, honey, are we gonna do that when we get to 50? And he says, heck no. I did it once. I'm not doing that again. and I thought, well, okay, I won't ask him that again. So I didn't. And when it got closer to our 50th, of course his dementia was worse. And the kids were talking about, do we wanna party? What are we gonna do? Things like that. And he heard them. And, we were on our way to Ann Arbor to VA appointment. And he says to me, so, and he waits five minutes.'cause you know, they can't get their thoughts together. And I says, so what? And he says, are you gonna call Father Dan? And I says, father Dan, why? And he says, So we can do that thing. And I says, do what thing? And he says, you know, the married thing. And I just about, I says, oh, you wanna renew our vows? And he said, A definite yes. And, and looked right at me and I thought, oh my goodness, I almost wrecked the car. I was so shocked. And, but so we did, and it was beautiful. he couldn't repeat all the vows, but he said the first two lines, the important part. I chose you then I choose you now. And then he couldn't repeat anything father said, but father said it was okay. But we were all standing there with tears in our eye, you know? It was terrible. It wasn't terrible. It was good but bad. It was a bittersweet bittersweet moment. Yeah. but then I came to the mission and Father Joe told about a couple, or a young man that, his parents argued and fought all their lives. And lo and behold, they developed Alzheimer's. well, they he put 'em in a nursing home in separate rooms, and he said to father, why? Every time I go there, they're sitting in the common area on a couch holding hands and watching tv. He says, what is that? And the priest told him It's perfect memory. And I'm sitting in the mission with tears just running down because I had my perfect memory. on the way to the VA hospital. It was, that's, things like that are, are, I don't know. Awesome. back five years ago, it was Dreamland and we were at Mass and I, noticed that he wasn't saying the our father. And he always said, that our father, we always held hands and said the our father. and so when we got home, I told him, it's Lent and you don't have to give up food. You don't have to do anything like that, but you should do something because Jesus died on that cross for you and me both. and so every night we're gonna say, an our father, a Hail Mary and a glory be aloud before you go to sleep. So every night I would say those with him. And Lent never ended, from five years ago until the day he died the night before, we said, I said mm-hmm. The prayers and Lent never Lent never ended. So, that's an idea for anybody that, has someone with Alzheimer's, you know, they do Uhhuh, but we don't know what their brain is. really catching, probably a lot of perfect memories and a lot of not the junk we have to filter through. less concerned about those moments and more concerned about living in moment. and perhaps it's not a bad thing in some ways. well Chris, I want to thank you 'cause you have shared a lot of wisdom with us today and a lot about caregiving, which I think isn't really spoken about a true ministry that it is. So I, I thank you for that. And it's, how much you put your heart into it too. I try not to do anything halfway. I give 150%. I think if you're gonna do something, do it right. And, it's an important ministry. think of yourself when you get to that age. How are you going to. Well, I'm hoping cryogenics. are on the table When I get to that age. Okay, Okay good luck. I don't really want cryogenics. I'm ready to go to, to see my Lord. it's, gotta be better up there than it is here. sometimes I think everyone should be tormented by me. but I think that it's a very true thing. Like how would you want, I know that when I've had loved ones in the nursing home, visiting them can be it can be internally painful, right? Because you you have to look at things that you don't want to, but, seeing the smile on their faces when you walk in the door or Is powerful. And they know me. at one time I had this one lady, it was so cute. they have a privacy thing at nursing homes. So, you have to know who your Catholics are. and, every time someone was admitted, she would say, are you Catholic? Chris comes on Sunday and she was my, advocate. she She, brought 'em in. it was, funny and God bless her. I had wrote all her. funeral pans out and, Unfortunately her family did not carry it through. Mm-hmm. but you know, it was, it, Yeah. It can be very difficult, right? Yeah. I know when we went, Christmas Care Link this year, we went through, leway Medical, and I think we at. We're gonna try to visit specific people. That was the plan. But we eventually just went through all the halls, just singing. God bless those people for listening to that. But, so, and, and they were just smiling. In fact, one of the residents came and joined us. Yeah. and just started walking around the halls, you know, so, Anyway, you can engage them and, interact with, I mean, everyone is still our brothers and sisters. Oh, yeah. It doesn't change whether they're in a nursing home or a prison, you know, they're all god's children. children Made in the image and likeness of God. We're all worshiping the same God. This is correct just in different ways. And of course ours is the correct way. But, you know. Well, thank you again for joining us. No problem. Thank you for having me. It's really an honor. It's been great to learn a little more about our new parishioner. once again, we thank you for joining us today. We hope that wherever you find an open seat in your life, you will invite someone to join you.