Open Seat: A Holy Family Podcast

Among the Living Grief Support with Jesusa Arnett

• Holy Family Adrian • Season 1 • Episode 11

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In this heartfelt episode of Open Seat, Jesusa Arnett shares her inspiring life story of living with addiction while pursuing higher education, and coping with profound grief. Jesusa talks about her journey from being a high school dropout to earning a master's degree, her battle with drug addiction, and finding strength in faith. She also discusses her new support group, 'Among the Living,' at Holy Family Parish in Adrian, Michigan aimed at helping others deal with various forms of grief. This conversation between Katie Love and Jesusa is truly an authentic and unfiltered conversation about resilience, hope, and divine intervention.

Jesusa is the ministry head of the grief support group called Among the Living that takes place at Holy Family Parish in Adrian, MI.
St. Mary Campus Activities Center • 305 N. Division Street, Adrian, MI (Parkling lot off of Frank St) on Tuesdays at 4:15 PM.


00:00 Introduction to Open Seat Podcast
00:47 Meet Jesusa Arnett
01:11 Jesusa's Educational Journey
03:44 Overcoming Addiction
07:02 Starting 'Among the Living' Group
09:43 Coping with Loss and Addiction
10:30 The Role of Faith in Grief
10:56 Understanding Different Types of Grief
11:45 Healthy Ways to Deal with Grief
12:33 The Eye of the Storm: Finding Calm
13:40 Sharing Experiences to Help Others
16:11 Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
16:47 Advice for Younger Generations
17:30 A Message to My Children
18:02 Among the Living Group Details

This is a podcast of Holy Family Parish, located in Adrian MI. We are a Catholic people, not a place, striving to Live Jesus through celebrating the sacraments and forming disciples in Adrian and beyond.

www.HolyFamilyAdrian.org
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YouTube: www.youtube.com/@holyfamilyadrian

Open Seat es un podcast Parroquia de la Sagrada Familia ubicada en Adrian, Michigan. Somos un pueblo católico, no un lugar, que se esfuerza por vivir a Jesús celebrando los sacramentos y formando discípulos en Adrian y más allá.

Crying is a release and it's a good release because there's so many negative ways to deal with the death of someone that you love, which I have done and the group is going to help me just like I hope that it can help others. Welcome to Open Seat, the podcast where we create a space for authentic conversations about faith, unfiltered and unapologetic. Here, we believe that every story matters. Whether you're questioning, seeking, or steadfast in your beliefs, you'll find something relatable in these heartfelt discussions. So grab your seat, get comfortable, and let's dive into today's story here at Open Seat.

Jesusa:

Okay. So today in the Open Seat we have Jesusa Arnett. And so thank you so much for joining us today. Thank for inviting me, Katie. It's a pleasure. You are one amazing woman. I just know a little bit, so I'm really excited to get to know you better today. But I first met you when you started teaching Religious Ed here. That's correct.

Katie:

Yeah, and we still miss you. Why don't you just tell us a little bit about yourself?

Jesusa:

I was born here in Adrian I lived here all my life. I love this community. I have three children and I have four grandchildren. I live in Morenci. I was a high school dropout. I went back to school at the age of 30 I graduated from adult ed. from there I went on to JCC. Got my basic education credits. From there, I went to Siena, got my bachelor's in social work. And from there, I went to, Eastern Michigan University. I got my master's in chemical dependency and, Mental illness. The Lord, Katie, as I look back upon my life, I can see that the Lord has always given me favor. while I was at Eastern, I was selected for a new program that Eastern was working in collaboration with the University of Michigan to bring people of color into higher education. So, my name was submitted for a doctorate at the University of Michigan, and I was accepted. So I went to the U of M during the summer to, take some summer classes and prepare me for the doctorate level of education. And now when all this is going on, I have three children at home and I'm also working full time and going to school.

Katie:

What were you doing before you, while you were studying?

Jesusa:

I was a cook. So, it was, it was something that, I would have never believed would happen to me. well, I grew up over by the fairgrounds, And I would walk by Sienna Heights, and I would see that it was there. I could see it. Physically see it, but in my heart, I felt like it's there, but it's not there for me. So, long story short I turned down the doctorate level of education from the U of M because I felt like I needed to be home. I missed my children, and I was tired. I was tired. But, I'll never forget, they took us to the top ten colleges conferences, to promote us, and all of the colleges heard about this new program, so they, really wanted us They would try to convince us to go to their school. so I tell that story and people will say, What? You turned down a doctorate from the University of Michigan? What is wrong with you? And I'm like, you have no idea. The reason that I dropped out of school And this is another story that, that I want to share, because it is powerful for me. And I know that, it's another example of how the Lord has given me favor. So I quit school because of a drug addiction. I was a hardcore drug, I was an intravenous drug user at one point. one point. And so, for me, to come from that, To be here right now, with the education level that I have, and the things that, I've accomplished, I give all praise To our father.

Katie:

So, what at age 30 made you decide to go back to school?

Jesusa:

People have asked me that. how were you able to be so resilient and come out the other end so strong? And I say, I wish I could give you an equation, if you do this, this, and this, it'll happen. I said, but I can't, all I can tell you is that I feel like there was a divine intervention in my life. And that I give, All glory to Father for that. And, of course I couldn't see it then, cause I was just like, in a whirlwind of a whole lot of hot mess, you know, hot mess, That's all I can think of

Katie:

That's a great description of life. If anyone does not know what hot mess is, God bless you you've not been there.

Jesusa:

Yeah, And then for the longest time, I didn't think that I was worthy. why is this happening? and and like I said, it, I, it just came into my heart, go back to school, go back to school. And when, I went to Adult Ed to speak to the, the, I guess she was a counselor. She said, well, just take the GED. Because I went, like, ...I was there for a couple years. And I told her, I don't think I can pass it. And she said, oh. Because at that time, my brain was short circuited because of all the years of drug abuse. I mean, I could read something, but it wouldn't register. It'd come in one year and out the other. It wouldn't stay. so I struggled with that for the longest time. I remember, just reading and reading with the dictionary, and just trying to focus. And then from there, it's just like, a teacher pulled me aside and showed me my grades. And he said, you need to go to college. there were a's. before I had even graduated, From adult ed. I had already enrolled in JCC to take my basics. So I was doing both at the same time with the family and working. Yeah, I don't know how I did that. I cannot tell you how I did that. I never had that much determination to succeed. I had that much determination in my addiction and to use, but to switch it completely around and refocus that into a different direction, like I said, I feel like I was part of a divine intervention.

Katie:

it's powerful in and of itself, the whole story, but what I think strikes me is that you have taken what was your greatest weakness and made it now your greatest strength. Because you do substance abuse counseling. And, social work, which is amazing. and so you can tell people, No, I've literally walked in your shoes. You can do this. this And not many social workers and substance abuse counselors can say that.

Jesusa:

there's a lot of clients that I had, when I was a therapist, that would tell me, can learn about addiction in a book. you can learn everything that there is, like the treatments, the lingo and all that. But when you've been there, it's another level of understanding, acceptance And, I was told that quite often. And then when, the thought of putting this grief, because I am also grieving the death of my son, and it came into my heart and I believe the Lord did that as well because I was thinking of how can I honor my son and honor the Lord at the same time. So it came into my heart that I needed to start a group. And, Initially, my reaction was like, who said that? Where's that coming from?

Katie:

you coming from? I'm in this room

Jesusa:

Know, I'm like, I'm like, you want me to do what?

Katie:

right

Jesusa:

I can't even hardly talk without crying, and you want me to do a group? Is that serious right now? So I procrastinated, just like, when the Lord called on Moses or whoever, go talk to pharaoh. And he's he's like, what?

Katie:

Luckily, you weren't Jonah and ended up in the whale. But this is good.

Jesusa:

I mean, I'm not comparing myself to anybody like that, but how the message came to me is what I'm trying point out here. I procrastinated and procrastinated and then finally, because I also wanted to honor my son and the Lord, so then that's when I called Father Mike. I'm not, I'm not saying that I have all the answers. I'm just saying that I, once again, know how it feels. I know how it feels and I can relate. The group is open discussion. You can come in at any time. There's not a begin date and end date. It's just going to be ongoing. And my hope for the group is that we support one another. I, want to try to help lift people up.

Katie:

talking about this group, what's it called?

Jesusa:

It's called Among the Living.

Katie:

And did you come up with that title?

Jesusa:

I did and I want want to tell you how I came up what that title.

Katie:

I want to hear about this.

Jesusa:

So, in my grief, I, isolated myself. I didn't want to be around people. So, in my darkness, I had a tendency to stay there too long and I and I had to literally remind myself that my place was among the living. I have to, I had to tell them, your place is among the living. So, I name my group that. I needed to go on with my life. My son would not want me to not live because of his death. And, my son took his life. So, that's how I came about the name. And I still have to remind myself sometimes and I think that was part of the reason why I was reluctant to do the group But, and I know that doing the group. I'll still be emotional, but crying is a release, and it's a good release. Because there's so many negative ways to deal with a death of someone that you love. Which I have done. When my mother passed away, I was active in my addiction, and that was my coping strategy. Substance abuse or anything, it wasn't good. I think that this is probably the first loss in my life that I've been able to, go through, somewhat healthy. Somewhat healthy. And the group is going to help me, just like I hope that it can help others. And like I said, I don't know all the answers. and I don't pretend to. But I want to share what has helped me deal with my grief. people, I think, sometimes are too quick to blame the Lord. If you're all loving, if you're all forgiving, why am I, why am I going through this? But the Father gave us self will. And he built a perfect world for us when it all started with Adam and Eve. It was perfect. But we all know how that story goes, and then it's like, okay, so if that's how it's gonna be, then you are gonna, yeah.

Katie:

I don't know anyone who really has not experienced some kind of grief. And, so your grief sharing group, Among the Living, which beautiful title by the way,

Jesusa:

Thank you.

Katie:

Is not just for those who have experienced death, but any type of grief. Right?

Jesusa:

This is gonna sound crazy, but when I decide, or when the Lord put in my heart to to sober up and get my stuff together, I grieved the loss of my addiction, my drug of choice, you know.

Katie:

I've heard that before.

Jesusa:

I've grieved that. So, I said any loss, any loss. It's like the loss of a pet, a relationship, the quality of your life, you know. that that change, that your whole, you're independent, you're strong and, then something happens, and you're dependent upon somebody else for your care, for your basic care. That's a loss. That's a tragic loss. And people sometimes just, like for me, get stuck in that darkness. You know, and something snapped. It's like, get up. Do something. Don't sit here, It's not good for you, But I started to get comfortable there.

Katie:

That's what happens, right? It It becomes familiar. And I think we experience a lot of griefs in a lot of different ways that we just don't even acknowledge. And, it can come out in a lot of different ways. So dealing with it in a very healthy manner is what we need to start gearing towards. And today, I mean, You could grieve nearly anything.

Jesusa:

Absolutely. I explained it to one of the ladies that met with me on Tuesday, it's like, I see the storm. I see the storm right there in front of me It's huge and it's blowing everything around and causing so much destruction But rather than walk through that storm and feel what I need to feel and let go of what I need to let go I'm going to take the long way around and avoid. It's going to take me a lot longer. It's not going to be healthy because i'm going to repress the emotion associated with the loss whatever that may be. And it's going to manifest itself in your body somehow it's going to manifest itself. it's like I've learned to walk through the storm And I've never experienced this, but I have read that in the eye of the storm, there's a calm. So, when I'm going through my grief, I tell myself, I am in the eye of the storm. And I am, in the calm, even though my world is like in turmoil in every part that it could possibly be. And my self talk is, I'm in the eye of the storm. I'm in the calm. And the Lord is with me. The Lord is with me. And he's carried me through so much, he's not gonna drop me now If I have faith, if I have faith. Cause like I said, when I look back on the life that I lived, I don't have a police record Ms. Katie. I'm still alive. You hear about people that are intravenous drug users that overdose. I'm still alive, I'm still here. I have educated myself. And I've turned down a doctorate degree from the University of Michigan. What kind? You know what I mean?

Katie:

I, I think it's amazing. I just think back to the scripture where it talks about, that the storm comes, and they're in the middle of the storm, and Jesus is sleeping. And they're like, what the heck, you know?

Jesusa:

We're gonna die

Katie:

And. I think oh my gosh, how many times in life are we in that moment where it's like, What the heck are you going to wake up anytime soon cause right now this is not good. And Jesus is like, if you focus on me, it'll be fine, we'll get through this and every single time that happens. But what's really interesting is you are taking those moments and sharing them with people to help them get through their storms. And there aren't a whole lot of people who want to do that.

Jesusa:

I was reluctant. But I was born and raised here in Adrian. So people that know me, know me from when I was, yeah. yeah. It's no secret.

Katie:

I think in that grief, there's that shame part. And that I think holds us back a lot. And so you're just like, oh, here's your shame. I'm kicking it to the curb.

Jesusa:

There's no judgment. My intentions are pure. I don't, wanna gain anything. I don't want any recognition. In fact, I was hesitant when Father Mike says, You gotta do a podcast and I'm like, do what?

Katie:

But right in the beginning of this podcast, which is what I, find so amazing, is that it says it's authentic and unfiltered. That is exactly how we should come to church. On Sunday, I find it really interesting, you walk in and you're like, Hey, how are you? Good, good, good, good.

Jesusa:

I'm lying.

Katie:

Everybody, every one every one of us. Every one of us are lying because, no, the world is falling apart. All of us have something going on. But, I would never tell you what That thing is.

Jesusa:

I am very particular. I've known you I I respect you. I love you. And so I feel that's why I said yes, I feel comfortable talking to Miss Katie. I will talk with Miss Katie.

Katie:

I appreciate it beacuse there's a lot here

Jesusa:

There's certain people that I can open up to, but I can count the friends I have in one hand. And that's my choice, I avoid drama. I just want to be at peace, and stay in the center of the storm. So the one thing that I'm working on, because I always do self reflection and when I saw the video with Father Mike, I did not like what I saw. So, I am working right now on smiling more. That's like a natural thing. You smile. Because when you feel dead inside, it's hard to smile. You know, and I saw that and I'm like, Oh my God, I, look horrible. I look horrible, and So, I'm I'm working on smiling more. So I hope that it will someday be authentic, But I'm just trying to get

Katie:

Fake it until you make it.

Jesusa:

Exactly. Exactly.

Katie:

What one piece of advice would you give younger Jesusa?

Jesusa:

Know the voice of your shepherd and have faith.

Katie:

Unfortunately, a lot of times, it's not unusual that that develops over time through hardships. Because my voice can drown out that voice.

Jesusa:

Mm hmm. Mm hmm. You know, and I wanted to, build a better life. The reason, I think, behind my going to school, it was a thought in my heart. But then I wanted better for my children. I wanted to show them that there's another way to live other than seeing mom come home or not come home at all. And I tell them that I couldn't do it for love of self. I couldn't straighten my life out for love of self. But I did because of you. Because of my children.

Katie:

And how did they receive that?

Jesusa:

I think they understood it. I think I wrote it in a christmas card. I bought them each a Christmas and I wrote them each a message. And I said that.

Katie:

Yeah, I'm guessing most of them probably have it to this day because it was probably a pretty big turning point for them.

Jesusa:

Mm hmm.

Katie:

Wow, well, Jesusa, thank you so much. You have shared so much with us today and your Among the Living group meets

Tuesdays at 4:

15 in the St. Mary Activities Center. And anybody is welcome? It's just a drop thing? So there's no commitment, There's

Jesusa:

no Nope.

Katie:

And nobody has to sign up? You can just show up.

Jesusa:

Nope, nope. You don't even have to tell me your name. The only goal for this is to help.

Katie:

Well, thank you again for using your gifts and talents.

Jesusa:

Aw, you're very welcome, Katie.

Katie:

Once again, we thank you for joining us today. We hope that wherever you find an open seat in your life, you will invite someone to join you.

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Katie Love

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